In our lifetimes, we experience a multitude of emotions: happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiety, concern, fear, anger, grief and many more. Society dictates which emotions are acceptable in different situations. For example, showing extreme anger, grief or anxiety is generally not acceptable in a work environment. In an effort to “fit in.” we often “stuff down our feelings.” Psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar states: “Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions – such as fear, sadness or anxiety – as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.”
Psychologist Carl Rogers agreed that we should accept our emotions, and he labeled this concept “unconditional acceptance” in 1961 – far before the field of positive psychology had been founded. By accepting our emotions – even when we perceive them to be negative – we can acknowledge our feelings and experience them in a healthy manner.
Be a Work in Progress
“One cannot choose wisely for a life unless he dares to listen to himself, his own self, at each moment in life.”
– Abraham Maslow
Accepting that you are a work in progress is saying “I am still changing… I am not finished… I am still exploring… I am an active participant… I am not just floating aimlessly through life.”
Change is often very difficult. We are set in our ways, and we return to what feels comfortable. Consider our eating and exercise habits. If we are accustomed to not planning healthy meals or not getting adequate exercise, then changing those habits into healthier ones takes very intentional actions. Likewise, starting a gratitude practice or deciding to include more fun in your life can be difficult. Many of us were taught at a young age that failure is unacceptable. This interferes with our ability to try new things and causes us to be overly cautious. A healthier attitude is to change this mindset and consider failure as a learning opportunity.
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
– Nelson Mandela
Give yourself permission to be human, permission to be a work in progress, and permission to try new things and explore new paths. Be adventuresome! The changes you make can improve your happiness and your life.
Try It
Find 20 minutes of quiet time during which you will not be interrupted. What are you feeling? Write it in your journal. Maybe you are angry at something, sad, anxious or excited. Write down your thoughts, and just let them spew out onto your paper.
This exercise helps you acknowledge your emotions, rather than stuffing them down. This simple process is liberating and healthy. Whenever you are feeling pressure from your emotions being stuffed down, do this exercise. That may be once a week or once a month. Once you realize how good it feels to let your emotions rise to the surface, you can start expressing your emotions more honestly.
